Deborah Feldman was born into the Satmar sect of Hasidic Judaism - the child of a mentally disabled father and a mother who abandoned the community while her daughter was still a toddler. Deborah was raised by her strictly religious grandparents, was married off at age 17 by a matchmaker, gave borth to a son, and finally at age 24 left the sect with her son. For many years, especially after her marriage, she struggled to make a way of life for herself with freedom, knowing that she was meant for far more.
These are some of the interesting things I learned from reading this story:
Zeidy ( her grandfather) reminds her that when he is giving her a harsh lecture, it is out of a sense of obligation. "In this family, we do not hug and kiss. We do not compliment each other. Instead, we watch each other closely, ever ready to point out someone's spiritual or physical failing. This, says Chaya ( her aunt, truly a mean-spirited person) is compassion - compassion for one's spiritual welfare."
"God lives in my soul, and I must spend my life scrubbing my soul clean of any trace of sin so that it deserves to host his presence".
At school, there is a daily modesty lecture. "Ervah refers to any part of a woman's body that must be covered, starting from the collarbone and ending at the wrists and knees. When "ervah" is exposed, men are commanded to leave its presence....Every time a man catches a glimpse of any part of your body that the Torah says should be covered, he is sinning. But worse you have caused him to sin. It is you who will bear the responsibility of his sin on Judgment Day"
Zeidy comes from a long line of oppression; his ancestors endured pogroms not unlike Hitler's presecution of Jews. "I can't comprehend how a person who comes from so much pain and loss can perpetuate his own oppression. In small ways Zeidy cages himself, depriving himself of harmless joys and yet it seems the very deprivation fulfills him."
On every Israeli Independence Day, the Satmar Hasids make the trip from their various communities to demonstrate their opposition to the State of Israel. "The Satmar Rebbe insisted that we had to take it upon ourselves to fight for the destruction of Israel......Faithful Jews wait for the Messiah; they don't take up guns and swords and do the work themselves."
" A woman becomes 'niddah' or cast aside as soon as one drop of blood exits her womb. When a woman is niddah, her husband cannot touch her, not even to hand her a pate of food....She is forbidden to him. After a woman stops menstruating, she must count seven days doing twice-daily inspections with cotton cloths to make sure there is no sign of blood." Then she immerses in the ritual bath and becomes pure again. Before marriage and after childbirth, she must be carefully inspected by women attendants at the baths to ensure that her body is "clean". If you miss one of these twice-daily inspections, you must contact a rabbi for further instructions!
The consummation of a marriage - or the news of it at least - is a very public thing - the whole family knew that Deborah and her husband were not able to consummate their marriage for some time because she had a particularly tough maidenhead something called vaginamus - (Sounds made up to me!)
Deborah remains a Jew, proud of her heritage, and she believes in God :"God is no longer a prescription for paradise but an ally in my heart"
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